So Many Feelings

Hey y’all. I wish I could be more upbeat, but there are so many thoughts going through my head that it’s hard to focus on my outfit or my hair today. But an OOTD post will follow. The tag line of my blog is ‘a Holy City girl’s guide to looking fab for less.’ A Holy City Girl. 

Charleston, South Carolina is the Holy City and last night we were broken. A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad person came into our home and hurt us. This despicable person walked into what we’d all consider to be one of the safest places ever and took the lives of our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, and neighbors.

A five year old laid down and pretended to be dead to avoid murder. I don’t know how that makes you feel, but it hurts me. Despite how I may look, I’m a big old baby–I cry about a lot of things; but going to sleep with the knowledge that 8 were injured and 1 dead and waking up to find out that 9 were actually murdered really broke my heart.

How is this fair? Why are black folks not safe anywhere? Mother Emanuel was not my church, but I’ve been there for a relative’s wake services. That church has been there long before any of the businesses or houses that surround it were a thought. Denmark Veasy’s slave revolt was planned there, Coretta Scott-King lead a march there, now 9 people lost their lives there.

The church is a safe haven–it’s one of the only places that will not turn you away and this person took advantage of these warm hearted people’s kindness. They welcomed him in for prayer and look what he did. He sat in a prayer meeting for an hour before lamenting his hatred of black people and opening fire. I just–I don’t understand why he would do this in a holy place.

‘I don’t understand’ is something I’ve said all day. I don’t think I ever will. Race isn’t something that should be ignored in this country, we should see each other and our differences and get to know more about each other’s cultures. We need to erase the stereotypes that come with race and stop with the colorblind nonsense. It’s nonsense! It’s frustrating. 

I’m tired. I just needed to get that off my chest. I’m not sorry that it strayed away from the subject of this blog. I’m black. I’m a woman. I have a lot to be angry about; but I don’t always dwell on it. I had to let this out. 

Also, I pray to GOD they take that darn confederate flag down from atop the State Building in Columbia. It’s one of the reasons hate crimes happen here! It’s 2015 and we’re still fighting this battle. The confederate flag and a church massacre…starting to feel a lot like we’re revisiting the Civil Rights Era.

–Nikki 😒

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