Hey y’all! Lately I’ve had this song, “No Letting Go” by Wayne Wonder stuck in my head. Not sure why, other than the fact that it’s an awesome song. It’s also ironic because I’ve had to let go of a relationship, recently. To be honest with you, it’s scared me beyond belief and I’m not so sure how long it’s going to take me to get over it.
Imagine giving 3 years of your life to a relationship–whether it be personal (friendship or romantic) or professional and just having to make the adult decision to end it. It’s downright frightening. At the end of February of 2016 I left I job I’d been at for 5 years and honestly, the only thing keeping me there was the ability to pay my bills. I hated that job, but I worried about how I’d pay my bills. I finally let go and ventured into new territories.
Now imagine how I’d feel giving up a personal relationship. Anxiety is my middle name, but I thought to myself: maybe you’re blocking yourself from what could be by holding on to what’s never going to be. I decided to let go and it felt like I couldn’t breathe, but I kept telling myself that the right thing would come along this year. I’m praying and hoping that it manifests, even though there are times when I want to change my mind, apologize, and go back to what was.
After letting go, my over thinking brain wouldn’t let me get peace. It’d be fine one day and the next I’d be fighting tears. Being steadfast on a decision has never been this hard for me, but I have to find my strength. Even writing this brings me to tears, but I figure they’re cleaning tears. Things will work out in my favor. I have to quiet the anxiety and focus on my future. Sometimes what you want isn’t what’s best for you and you have to accept that.
The struggle is absolutely real. I found this quote online and trying to find comfort in it:
I’m making my way through the process. If you’re going through something similar, please know that you’re entitled to feel what you feel–whether it’s freedom or selfishness or anything in between. “The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain,” says Dolly Parton (who is amazing, btw). This is your rain. Your rainbow will be here soon.
Lastly, I’ll leave you with the video for Wayne Wonder’s “No Letting Go.” I’ll feel that way about my memories and I’ll get to my happy again soon enough.