What is this life?!

For the first time in a long time, I thought about quitting my job. I have no back up plan and definitely no safety net in place, but I got so fed up that I just mentally gave up. I actually felt discriminated against because I don’t have kids. I know it’s selfish, but when you have to work alone enough times because “my kid is sick,” “my kid has a doctor’s appointment,” “there’s an emergency with my kid.” Look, I’m happy y’all are being decent parents and taking care of your offspring, but I’m really tired of shouldering the responsibilities of dealing with people and this job by myself.

I stay giving people the benefit of the doubt. Like, actual fact. I mentally work out both sides of the story and talk myself out of confronting the issue. I’m non confrontational because anxiety, but I just don’t have the energy to combat anything. You can argue by yourself, cause I’m not participating. It eventually just causes me to overthink, but it gives me bomb blog content so…you’re welcome.

I’m sick of adulting on other people’s terms. Are we really supposed to work jobs we tolerate until we’re too old to work to end up living on the bare minimum and deal with the circus that is Medicare and social security? Idk, I jumped pretty deep into that thought but I’m just saying, there’s gotta be more to life than this. I’m really working to stay afloat: rent, utilities, car notes and insurance, student loans, and other debt. I didn’t sign up for this. I’ve got $100k in student loans, I’m not working in any field related to what I’m in debt for. I could’ve bought a house and most of my neighborhood for that kind of money at the time. They say hindsight is 20/20…and clearly I’ve been hustling backwards.

I’ve always felt that I was born to do more, but anxiety made me feel too exposed in the limelight. Like, I’m here to help people not just myself. There are so many talents I have and things I want to do, but I limit myself because of fear. Or letting my workday and peopling beat me down until I can’t handle being around people at the end of the day. I’m gonna work out of that. I see such a need in my community for so many different things that I know I can help provide access to. It’s killing me to not have the energy or to even know where to start in helping to provide.

I’ve decided that I’m going to quit my job, but I’m not going to be stupid about it. When I do walk away, I need y’all to know that the heat is coming. Just know that. Something big and important (for and to me) is coming, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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2 thoughts on “What is this life?!

  1. Narcisa Maura says:

    Bring the heat sis!! We need it you have a fire that can’t be replaced so light it up boo!! Also we are so alike I don’t go back and forth with people either I tend to shy from confrontation. It’s just not worth it to. However, I have learned to speak my voice when needed. Other than that we can agree to disagree and keep it moving!! loving your post!!

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