Self Care

Hey y’all, I haven’t posted in a minute but I haven’t really felt inspired. This summer was the rainiest, most hurricane threat filled one ever. That’s probably an exaggeration, but it sure feels that way. Dreary weather brings me down and makes me just want to stay in bed all day. I like staying in bed all day. It’s awesome. Comfy bed, smart tv, WiFi = life.

So, yeah…I’ve been hella unproductive personally. But, since I’ve become a medicated member of society I’ve been slowly feeling like I’m coming out of my shell again. It’s not a perfect system, but my anxiety has gone down and my depression is slipping into the background and I feel pretty darn okay. It’s nice.

Aside from the medication, I spend a lot of time listening to podcasts on my commute and lunch break. They take my mind off of my life sometimes. A couple even help me in terms of self improvement and understanding that it’s okay to not have everything together. It’s a great way to learn, laugh, engage, and let go. 

Tuesday:


Gettin’ Grown, hosted by Jade and Dr. Keia, is a good one for dealing with adulting. It’s uplifting, informative, hilarious, and creates great dialogue. Sometimes I have to force myself to pay attention because my subconscious has yet to let down its guard and absorb life advice, but I thoroughly enjoy what this podcast brings to the kitchen table.

Wednesday:


The Friend Zone: your weekly look into all things mental health, mental wealth, and mental hygiene because who in the hell wants a musty brain? If you don’t quote that with Dustin every week, you’re not real. Hosted by Assanté, Fran, and Dustin this podcast is a great resource for mental and personal assessment. It’s also a great way to hear about what’s new in music, pick up a cool new playlist, and get recaps on some of your favorite tv shows. It’s made me a fan of meditation (which I don’t do enough of), mindfulness, affirmations, and even convinced me to stop being petty!

Thursday:


I shouldn’t even have to introduce this one! Everyone loves The Read. Listen to the rundown in pop culture, hear some sage advice to listeners questions, and then listen to them read an offender for filth! It’s just amazing…it just goes without saying.

Wednesday, Thursday…whenever?:


I honestly don’t know when they post a new episode anymore, I just listen when it shows up in my podcast app. I love Designing Women and I’m obligated to listen to or watch anything dedicated to it. This show isn’t perfect and sometimes it’s frustrating, but I jump ahead to the halfway mark and adjust accordingly to hear about the episode. 

Friday:


Jade + XD is a good way to end the week, if I’m staying on schedule. The laughs keep me coming back and I’m 100% here for it. It’s just fun. Sometimes there’s a topic, it goes off course, but you’re never mad at it. It’s great! 

One thing about Gettin’ Grown, The Friend Zone, The Read, and Jade + XD is that they’re all friends and they just seem like the coolest, most encouraging friends ever. They love to laugh, entertain, inform, and inspire. You feel like you’re a part of their circle, which instantly makes you comfortable listening to and understanding them. They put each other on and in essence, they put you on too. New endeavors, tv shows, businesses…it’s amazing how this all networks and intertwines.

Lastly, my problematic fave that I listen to when I’m all caught up on my podcasts and am waiting on new episodes:


Self explanatory. I love Mama Ru, but she’s got some view points I don’t vibe with. When there’s an interesting guest for the week, I make sure to listen. I kinda like it better when it’s just Ru and Michelle. I also liked the old intro music better. 

There you have it, just a portion of what I use as self care. Are y’all into podcasts? What are some of your faves? What do you do for self care? Drop it in the comments below; let’s start a community of care and self improvement!

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the struggle: yeah…it’s high time I seek some help

Hey y’all. I might bum you out for a bit, but I appreciate you indulging me. I’ve said it a million times, so you should know by now that I have anxiety and depression. I haven’t seen anyone or taken anything for it since high school. I’ve been maintaining for awhile and doing moderately okay. Except that one time in college where I had a full on break down and couldn’t stop crying. I talked to a counselor once, even though I should’ve gone multiple times, and was okay.

Sometimes, over the years, I’d have a hard time looking in the mirror without feeling sad but it never lasted long. Right now it’s hitting me that I spend a lot of time alone. Too much time alone with not so great thoughts really isn’t that good for you. Nothing dangerous like self harm, but, Bruh, I don’t really have any friends. 

Who the heck can I depend on? Who calls me up and asks me to go places or do things? I try to be mindful that people have lives and things going on and try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but damn. I’m out here alone. Trying not to think about it, but thinking about it all the time. Trying to justify this lonely existence. It’s exhausting.

I’m an introvert and socializing is terrifying, so I find myself declining things because fear. I also settle because I work so hard for this one relationship that I don’t want to do it all again. I settle for people and situations because of fear. I’m also too trusting. I think that everyone is a mean-what-they-say person and I always end up wrong. So I find myself now being weary of every one. I expect rejection when I ask someone to do something because why would they want to hang out with me?

I always have to ask someone to do things. It’s never the other way around? Why? Why not? It’s me. It’s just the way it’s always been. I’m not good with conversation, especially with new people because I don’t word right. I spend so much time trying to think of what to say that when I try to say it, it always comes out wrong. It’s embarrassing. I hate repeating myself because I think I’m being made fun of.

This life is hard. I really don’t like talking to people…especially not on the phone. It’s just too much. I don’t know what to say. I hate when people read or hear about my feelings or this struggle and feel sorry for me. I really don’t want your pity, Bro. I’m a real person with real feelings and if you don’t have real friend type intentions, please don’t waste breath or key strokes with a fake pity invite for whatever. 

Seriously. Don’t.

I’m trying to find a psychiatrist, but my insurance network has given me a pool of the hardest to contact doctors ever. Maybe things will be better if I’m medicated and have no real consciousness of fear. I don’t know. I’m just tired of trying to figure it out on my own. I’m thinking of taking yoga to try and quiet the bad thoughts. Also buying stock in Kleenex, because. That was a complete sentence, by the way.

I’m tired, y’all. 

Charleston Black Girl Bloggers Brunch 

Hey y’all! I’ve been trying to wait a little while on posting about this event because I was missing a key element: pictures. A photographer was supposed to come and shoot, but never showed and I didn’t have anyone to run my social media or take pictures with my phone. I was so caught up in what was going on that I didn’t really think to take more pictures. 

My bad.


We had such a wonderful time on May 28th at Liberty Tap Room! It was disappointing that people who’d RSVPd didn’t show up or that the photographer didn’t show up or that I didn’t have extra help, but I’m so grateful to those women who thought it not robbery to come out and fellowship and talk about how we can make an impact in Charleston.

My goal for #CBGBB was to have black girl bloggers and entrepreneurs come together on a monthly basis to network and to hopefully learn something new, but I’ve realized that there’s the opportunity for so much more. I’m going to get more info prepared for our next event, but we’ve decided against meeting monthly. Just know that we’re going to make a major impact not just with blogging, but with business and the community as a whole.

I’d like so much to thank our product sponsors: Charleston Candle Co, GlōGirl Cosmetics, Lone Body Care, Dandy Boutique, and It Works distributor Keneshea Davenport. Their wonderful products were a hit with my guests!

(📸: Naye Gathers, Glam Bombshell, Inc.)

 I’d also love to thank Mac&Murphy, The Blue Root, and The Tiny Tassel for providing awesome door prizes for 4 lucky guests! 

(📸: Ireana Nathan, XOXO, I. Joelle)

Thank y’all again so much for not hesitating to help when I asked! Thank you for believing in my vision and for wanting to do something with this amazing group of black women! I also have to thank Ireana of XOXO, I. Joelle for speaking on the importance of creating our own opportunities and being our own cheerleaders. She really gave much needed words of wisdom and advice!


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 I hope y’all are following Ireana, as she’ll be hosting a blogging workshop later on this year with her brand, Flourish Blog Workshops. She’ll have more time to impart her wisdom to aspiring and current bloggers and influencers. We’re of the belief that we’ve got to make our own opportunities and not wait on any one to do it for us. From the photo shoot with The Tiny Tassel and Aneris Photography to #CBGBB to Flourish Blog Workshops–we’re making it known that we’re more than capable of holding and creating our own.

I wish I had more pictures to share amazing afternoon we had! I wanted to show off the sisterhood, the amazing door prizes, the lovely set up but I can’t. What I can share are some of the Instagram pics shared by my guests.


Feel free to follow Charleston Black Girl Bloggers Brunch on Instagram and follow the amazing guests and product and door prize sponsors as well! Check out their blogs and businesses and don’t be afraid of collaboration–it’s encouraged! It’s all about community over competition.


Thank you so much to everyone who came through like they said they would. Thank you to NaShonda Hunter who did what she didn’t have to do and without her this might not have been pulled off successfully. Thank you Liberty Taproom for providing us with such a wonderful space. Thank you. Thank You. THANK YOU!

book review: Smoke, Drink, F*#k

Hey y’all! A few months ago I got invited to a book review in West Virginia by accident. I guess someone thought I lived in Charleston, WV and not Charleston, SC. Anyway, after clearing up the confusion, I was asked if I’d like to review the book for my blog. There was no point in turning down the opportunity and the title certainly seemed interesting.

2 things about me: I really love autobiographies–I have both of Diahann Carroll’s (because duh) and they’re my favorite–and I hardly ever read because as someone who’s also a writer, I don’t want to confuse or cross my thoughts with someone else’s words. It’s seriously easy to do. I mean, I can creatively come up with my own stories, but I don’t want to get so caught up trying to create pictures of someone else’s words that mine get lost. 

Nevertheless, I persisted. It’s not a very long book, but it was pretty hard for me to follow. I couldn’t create mental pictures until she got to Italy and even then it was touch and go. It’s essentially a story of a woman reaching a life milestone and wanting to live life on her terms. To break free of the patterns and habits she’d created and what others see for her. This isn’t necessarily my struggle, but I get it.

The story didn’t resonate with me until she got the realization that things with her boo thing were falling apart. As a person with anxiety, when I don’t hear from someone who I like and who I think likes me for even a day I immediately think that they don’t like me anymore and it’s the end of the world.

True story. My brain freaks out. I go through stages of crying, feeling absolutely stupid, and fighting the urge to ask what I did wrong to avoid seeming desperate. I eventually ask and prepare to feel remorseful, only to be told things are fine. Anxiety is exhausting, y’all.

So, yeah. I felt that part of this tale to my core. Esme (the author) listed some lessons that she learned in Italy and I found them particularly helpful:

  1. Laugh
  2. Forget the rules 
  3. Be alert
  4. Be adored
  5. Savor things
  6. Be optimistic 
  7. Relax
  8. Let go
  9. Know what you want
  10. Try new things
  11. Do something every day that scares you
  12. Perfect on paper doesn’t mean perfect for you

Now if you want to know her detailed reasons for this list, you’re going to have to buy the book; but, I think we can all find the aspects of our lives where these apply. I really liked how this series (or 1, but I’m feeling really Lemony Snicket today) of unfortunate events caused her to put things in perspective and get her stuff together. A path I’m starting to head down, so this was quite helpful.

In a nutshell, I probably wouldn’t have picked this book out on purpose–well, the title would’ve gotten me, but I would’ve been mildly disappointed–but eventually, I was glad to have read it.

Smoke, Drink, F*#k was written by Esme Oliver and published by Riverdale Avenue Books. It can be purchased wherever books are sold in physical or digital formats.

the struggle: my bad

Hey y’all! Let’s get right to it, shall we? I haven’t blogged in awhile and you want to know why? Depression. It hit me like a ton of bricks awhile back. I was essentially just feeling down and the feeling really never went away. I kept wanting to write it out, but the feeling wouldn’t let me. It’s tough.

It makes me unproductive and my sadness goes through phases. There’ll be a little feeling of sadness that’s not too bad and then I could look in the mirror and see this awful acne that’s determined to ruin my grown person life and break down. The hardest, ugliest cry hit me over it one night while I was getting ready for bed.

Then anxiety and the depression decide to tag team and I’m crying myself to sleep because life thoughts are the worst. You’re not supposed to compare your life and what you’re going through to anyone else’s, but not when D&A team up. It just really sucks. I hate it. My doctor referred me to a therapist, but of course my insurance won’t exactly cover it. I was supposed to call, but work/procrastination/these feelings all got in the way.

I have to talk to someone and I hope to not need meds. Meds are the worst. I remember being on Paxil as a teenager and there were no good thoughts–especially when you miss a day or are trying to get off. The sickness was overwhelming. I don’t want meds, but they’re a thing that might help.

I don’t want to think about that. I wanted to get this off my chest and apologize for not being here more. I’ve done some good stuff in the interim and I’m planning something cool for the next month. Maybe event planning will be my calling? Who knows, but I’m having a pretty good time learning and working! That’s a petunia in this field of despair. 

Things will get better. I didn’t cry while writing this, so that’s a win. I claim every win I can. It’s working. Go me!